0602240527451father_and_sonThe greatest distinctive of Christianity is the reality that our God is personal. Most religions tout the “do more” or “try harder” approach to appease the god or gods to whom they bow. But our God—the big “G” God—is all about relationship.  His love is not contractional, but covenantal. We’re not talking about a relationship sealed by a gentleman’s agreement and bonded by a handshake. We’re talking about a relationship sealed by the finished work of Jesus—His death, burial, and resurrection.

God’s love is based on who He is, not on what we do. We don’t do more to win His approval or favor. Quite simply, it’s His character that counts. It blows my mind to think that the Creator God often chooses to refer to us as His children. John 1:12 explains, “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.”

God tells us that we are to see Him as our Heavenly Father. Romans 8:14-15 says, “For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’” The word “Abba” can be seen as the English word for “daddy.” God often uses the imagery of a relationship between a bride and bridegroom to illustrate the bond we have with Him.

God is God and could have chosen any number of terms to illustrate our relationship with Him. He could have said He was our boss, dictator, or even our slave master. But He didn’t. He uses deeply personal and relational images when referring to His people. One of the last recorded words of Jesus from the cross was His instruction to John and Mary about their new relationship as mother and son. Family is a big deal to God. This is why those of us in ministry can’t ignore our primary ministry—our families.

Leading our families will ALWAYS be more important than leading our ministries. It is the slipperiest of slopes if we ever reverse the two. When I meet a PK (pastor’s kid), I almost always ask a rather awkward question: “If you could time travel back to the day you were born and walk in to the room while your dad and mom are holding you, what would you say that they did well in raising you in a ministry home? What would you say they needed to work on or avoid or reevaluate?”  I do this because I know that I only get one chance to lead my family and I want to learn from the families that did it well. I want to learn from these grown people who, as children, experienced the occasional, or perhaps perpetual, sting of growing up in a ministry home.

Here are a few questions that I ask myself that help me evaluate how I am leading my family:

  • Do my wife and children know that I’m passionate about Jesus?  (Not just what I do for Jesus, but my personal relationship with Him.)
  • Does my wife know that there isn’t a more important person in my life than she?
  • Do I look for ways to publically and privately affirm her?
  • What are some ways that I serve her?  What are some other areas in which I need to serve her better?
  • Do my kids know that they are my children and NOT my ministry?
  • Do they know that there is nothing they could do to make me stop loving them?
  • Am I as creative in leading Bible reading with my children as I am when preaching to a crowd, or do they get my leftovers?
  • Do I have a vacation or stay-cation planned this year?

Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list but a good starting point to help us evaluate how we are leading our families. We must refuse to coast when it comes to leading our homes. We don’t want to give only our fumes to those we love the most. Our families are our ministries.

While many of us can’t afford luxury vacations, all of us can take time away from work and stay at home. Men, an unused day of vacation isn’t a badge of honor; it’s an embarrassment. There will always be someone to visit in the hospital. There will always be another call to make. There will always be another need to meet. But none of these is greater than those who sleep under our own roofs. I haven’t figured this thing out, but I never want to stop learning better ways to love and lead my family.

It’s not rocket science. I believe all it takes is humility and an honest desire to grow. When my life on this earth is over, the greatest accolades my wife and children could give me would be that I was the same person at home as I was at church, and that I loved them incessantly. Let’s be a generation of leaders that allows the God of relationship to lead us so that we can lead our families toward Him and His love. The best place and time to start is right here and right now.